WICKED TRAINING VIDEO
by Datgirl45
Summary: Title says all.


**So, yeah I based this off the Krusty Krab Training Video from the classics of Spongebob. I am working on The Forgotten Trial, but I've got school. Dammit. On better news...**

**uh... **

WICKED Training Video

Written and Directed by: Quentin Tarantino  
Produced by: Nicki Minaj, Matt Groening and Peter Griffin  
Casting by: George Clooney  
Narrated by: Whatever voice you're reading it in (I highly suggest Tom Kenny's)

"Hello and…. CONGRATULATIONS! You've recently been taken away from your Crank-infested homes to be hired for the biggest jerks on the planet! And this is your first day on the job!"

A teenager walks onto the screen, dressed in a tacky white lab coat with a smile on her face. She asks, "Can I hear your dirty secrets?"

"No, you have a lot to learn before you hear our deep dark secrets, Audrey!"

"My name is Stacey" Audrey corrects. She frowns and bites her bottom lip.

"Not anymore! Now you may think WICKED started from the bottom, like any good business."

Audrey nods.

"Well you're wrong! WICKED's history is full of ignorance, cigarettes and sweat. But mostly sweat."

FROM HUMBLE BEGINNINGS

"When a horrible tragedy called the Sun Flares happened, a deadly virus called the Flare 'accidently' leaked out of the US government. So we grouped all the remaining governments to make a special group committed to preserving human life, no matter how gruesome or cruel it is. Soon we were the richest group on the planet"

Audrey folds her arms. "Sounds like a lot of…"

A small girl calls out, "HOOPLA!"

Audrey sighs. "Sounds like a lot of…"

"HOOPLA"

Audrey picks up a brick and 'accidently' throws it at the young girl. "Sounds like a lot of hoopla to make over some business"

The narrator laughs "Ha, ha, WRONG"

WICKED Today

(Montage of WICKED headquarters to Eye of The Tiger)

"To keep up with today's dying population, no expense has been spared to find a cure"

A middle aged woman walks onto the screen demonstrating the different machines.

"This here," she picks up a de-activated beetle blade "is a high tech security camera"

The woman points at a crate "And this is our Red Apple Cigarettes" She wraps her arms around the cigarettes. "Don't touch"

"Here is our high tech control room" she winks "important"

"As you can see here is our exclusive Flat Trans" She walks through it.

"And state of the art Calvin Klein fake glasses" the woman holds out chunky black glasses. "Now you can see here…"

The narrator cuts the woman off. "This futuristic equipment may seem a bit overwhelming, but luckily for you, robots keep you in check"

Audrey widens her eyes.

"If over-modernization is the heart of WICKED, then the slaves, I mean employees are the liver"

The screen switches too Audrey standing near WICKED's receptionist, Katharine. "Aubrey is a model employee. Confident and a facial expression saying 'Hello –insert name here- WICKED IS GOOD' now let's see Katharine. Annoyed, impatient and bored."

Katharine looks up from her _VOGUE_ magazine. "I'm getting overtime for this right Paige?"

TRAINING

"Now no good employee works here without knowing the phrase 'WIG'."

Audrey places a puzzled look on her face. "WIG?"

"WIG" explains the narrator.

"WICKED  
Is  
Good"

Audrey frowns.

"But we have another one, PHOG"

Audrey widens her eyes.

"People  
Hate  
Our  
Guts"

Audrey smiles "Ahh… I get it now!"

"Now here is a regular person! I wonder what they want. If we remember PHOG and WIG, we can figure it out!"

A woman walks into the WICKED building with her five year old son. She opens her mouth to say something to Katharine.

The narrator pauses her, "What is this woman going to say?

A complaint

Quentin Tarantino's genius

WIG

The woman finally tells Katharine. "My son is immune,"

"Oh, crap"

Audrey stifles a giggle. A cabinet appears on screen and Audrey runs quickly towards it. A woman slaps her.

"Wait Audrey! We haven't talked about personal hygiene!"

PESONAL HYGIENE

Aubrey groans as the narrator keeps blabbing on.

"Now when collecting new recruitments, you have to wear ugly green suits that make you look fat to prevent a case of the Flare."

Audrey is in a bathroom, washing her hands. Above her is a poster saying 'Big Brother is watching you"

"Great job Audrey! Now let's see how Katharine is coping."

A toilet door opens and Katharine is texting on her iPhone. She sees the camera is on her. Embarrassed she closes the door.

"REMEMBER NO EMPLOYEE WANTS TO BE A KATHARINE!"

YOUR WORK STATION

"It is important to keep your work station clean and tidy, as it is very likely that you will die soon"

Audrey widens her eyes once again.

"Just kidding!"

The screen switches to Katharine sleeping on her desk, a line of angry people waiting to be served.

"Don't worry Katharine, Audrey will cover for you! Now let's get onto the more serious business"

EMERGENCY SITUATIONS

"Like any other good organization, there is a bad one to destroy it. This is the Right Arm, hoping to take over WICKED and trying to give all our precious resources to people who have no future. Sometimes the Right Arm likes to raid WICKED headquarters and kill our innocent staff."

Audrey is working quietly at her desk when men in black burst into the room. Men in Black is playing in the background.

"What are you going to do Audrey?"

Audrey screams and hides underneath her desk. She dials a number on her phone.

"Hello?"

"Quentin, they are back again"

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP

Audrey sighs, realising that Mr. Tarantino decided to not help her once again and grabs the emergency gun. She points it at the men in black.

One of them whispers, "She's onto us, let's go!" They scurry out of the room as Audrey breathes a sigh of relief.

"And so a critical emergency is avoided thanks to our intern. Now let's move onto the psychological aspect of the job."

INTERFACING WITH MS. PAIGE

Audrey walks into Ava Paige's office excitedly. Ms. Paige looks up from her paperwork. "

Audrey asks enthusiastically, "Ms. Paige, may I have a raise?"

"No"

Audrey shrugs and walks out of the room.

"Great job! Only if we had twenty of you!" The narrator sighs. "Now this is the part you've been waiting for."

Audrey turns around, "Really?"

"Do you want to know?"

Audrey jumps up and down. "YES!"

"REALLY?"  
"YES!"

"Alright our dirty secrets are…"

The screen turns black.

**I have hit a new low.**


End file.
